Besides the fact that I am putting my life in someone else’s hands thousands of miles above the ground and my serious control issues, there are several people who turn a tolerable experience, into one where I have to contain myself through mantras. I find that my inner Callisto from Xena warrior princess needs to be restrained when these people are present on my flights:
The screaming child…
While I understand that babies/children cry, if your baby has marathon screaming episodes, please do yourself and everyone else on the plane a favor and leave your kid at home or take an alternate route of travel. Now I understand that during take off and landing the pressure to their ears can be painful, but guess what???? Stick a bottle, passafire or whatever a baby can suck on into their mouths and this will make them and me feel better. This is not new information. Two smacks in the face for your parents.
Romeo and Juliet…
Why, Why me? This is the question that I ask myself on repeat when I get one of these couples in front of me. They make out like they know they will commit a double suicide as soon as the plane lands, and this is the only time they have left on the earth. Not only is this incredibly awkward when I’m trying to type notes or read on my flight, but disturbing when I can’t sleep because I can hear your lips smacking in front of me. Come onnnnnnnnnnnn now, STOP IT!!!!
Somehow every time I fly and end up sitting next to a man, he sits like he paid for his seat and mine. Sometimes I wonder if the men that sit next to me somehow believe that there is a cello, or bookcase or table of some sort that is preventing them keeping a reasonable amount of space between their legs. Now I understand that men have a twig and berries down there, but really whatever you have going on down there is not so big that you need to open your legs like the man in the picture above, which is a perfect example of what I deal with. I know that sitting on a plane is already pushing the personal space issue, but sitting next to men like this ups it to an egregious violation when men are constantly touching me with their legs and their arms are over the armrest, and all up in my space. I think if any of the “types” would end in me going homicidal on a plane, it would be this one.
There is nothing wrong with being polite, but when I whip out a book or puzzle or any thing that my concentration is fixed on, it’s time to shut up. Some how every couple of flights I am cursed enough to sit right next to this person, or they are in front of or behind me. I don’t care about what you do for a living, your family, children, any unsolicited personal advice, politics or what ever insignficant small talk you feel the need to assalt me with. Not only is “the chatterbox” a motar mouth but they are always loud, seriously… loud and chatty …give me a break.
The kid who can’t sit still
While well-behaved children on flights are no problem and if someone kicks my seat a few times, I’m not going to get upset….but somehow there is always at least one child on a flight that cannot sit still. On several occasions I have had the unholy pleasure of sitting through 3 hour plus flights where children have continually kicked my seat or were constantly kicking and/or bumping me. This is an especially frustrating situation when I inform the parent of this several times and it continues to happen…and unfortunately it is socially unacceptable to yell at other people’s children. If your children can’t listen, then they are not ready to fly….